Subject: eeenough!

Okay... just a quick break from my narrative self. I feel like being me for a second =). Let's see... first day of school today. It was fantastic. I'm...excited. Ready to be motivated. Ready for anything...well most things... that senior life is going to throw at me. I cannot fail.

And the first thing on my to-do list is to clean my room. If I can't even be bothered to do that then how will I get my act together? I need to prove myself to myself. I know I can do it. I'm so incredibly ready. And if anyone sees me slacking off... kick my ass into gear please. =). This is the rest of my life...kinda... and I need work hard so more opportunities and options will open up for my future.

I can so do this.

<3 (less than three) Alex!

Subject: Too many stolen glances.

There I was, the whole night, just sitting and observing. Every now and then, probably more often and obvious than I'd like, I'd glance in his direction. His eyes would meet mine and most of the time, I'd look away first. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

Then in the car, with his crazy driving, just us. Silences filled with him making casual chit-chat. Why is it when I meet someone I like I can't seem to find anything to say? Every now and then I'd look at him from the corner of my eye, willing something to happen. But next thing I knew we were outside of my house. I kissed him on the cheek when really I wanted to gently touch his chin and look into his eyes and kiss him sensually goodbye.

There are too many things in this world that I want but can't have. Why can't I be normal? But then... I wouldn't be me now would I?

Subject: Japan reflection.

An overall fantastic trip spent with the randomest of people. Many little stories weaving in and out of the bigger picture of sight seeing and other touristy activities. It was one of the longest and earthiest ten days of my life. I say earthiest simply because it's easy to forget that there are some people out there who won't like you (and sometimes I am not the centre of attention). It forced me to shut up for a while and observe. I was one in a group of twelve but I was walking along the streets of Kyoto, Tokyo and Shizuoka completely alone. However, toward the end I did make great friends, but deep down I knew that I much would have rathered spending this trip with the people I had left here in Australia.

The words flew out of my mouth before I could even stop them and I stood terrified as she paused for a few seconds. I breathe out a sigh as she finally replies, "No". If she had paused any longer I would have ran all the way home and banged my head against a table til night came. But moments later, I push the secret out of her and as usual, I regret having to force such information. But it's always too late and before I realise I should bite my tongue, the seriousness of the news is floating in the air creating an awkwardly thick silence.

My mind was bubbling as I walked away from the scene. Unfortunately things like that happen to so many people. I admire her strength.

Subject: Dear lie, you suck.

The intense look in his eyes captured me, filled with his clear intentions as he leaned closer to me. His soft lips were pressed against mine, his tongue sensually exploring my mouth. All my passion poured into his soul and in turn his passion drowned me. I could feel my world crumbling around me, leaving the two of us, standing alone in this moment.

Now only a fading vision, a false memory, I find it hard to believe it wasn't real. Every touch, look and feeling in that moment was everything I'd wished for and it happened but it didn't.