Some reflections upon returning, in a nutshell.

Okay so my last update was almost a year ago. Almost. Let's not let it reach that...

So I've just come back from the Philippines. Maybe I've just not had the time, or the right words or just plain lost my self-confidence when it comes to my writing.. What happened to not caring so much? All I can say is that the last two weeks have been rather... refreshing. I think I should make it so I go overseas every year and disconnect from reality and connect with me - as stupidly airy-fairily spiritual as that sounds, it's not really. It's just that it was just that. If that makes sense. But I'm writing again and that's the point. =)

I guess I could call this trip... rediscovering myself through reconnecting with people I've known but never really known. This is the first time I've gone to the Philippines without my parents. My memories of the Philippines is mostly just tagging along with my parents to meet their friends and their kids, being in the car looking out the window, tagging along with family to go shopping/eat/whatever. ANYWAY, so I get to decide who I see and what I want to do... (mostly. But that's another story.) So when I broke away from the troupe to do my own family run, I did just that.

I guess my main focus this time was my three official ninangs (godmothers), although I didn't realise it at the time. I got to dive into a different world and know my parents' friends and let them know that I'm my own person now. That's a little scary but exciting and enlightening and powerful. I stayed up til four in the morning with one, chain smoking, drinking coffee and having philosophical conversation. With another ninang, we had a nice intellectual share of our views on the world as well, over dinner. And the third one is almost there, but she's filled with doubts and regrets about herself and the way her world is.

Mind you this is already the tail end of my trip. But it was just so damn... fascinating. To learn so much about the kind of people they all are, their views on life, religion, spirituality, opinions on situations, what they've been through, what my parents were like... just everything. Spending time with them treating me as an equal.

Being away just let me reflect on so much of my life while I wasn't so caught up in it. I got to know more of my ties in the Philippines, as well as meet a few new interesting people, and in doing so I really had to be not afraid of being me. And learn. It was a good reminder about who I feel I am as a person. What I have been doing, what I need/should be doing and what I want to be doing. Some are one, two or all three. But one of things I want to be doing is writing again. So one thing at a time. =)

[Current music: Leona Lewis]