Subject: I know I am a brat.
Current Mood: Crappy
Current Music: Utada Hikaru - Deep River

I know I'm being a brat.

I know I am a brat.

I know that I practically *always* get what I want.

And now that I'm not..I know i'm wrong for going psycho over it.

But...do I care?

No.

I want to hurt him.

I'm not going to talk to him...I'm going to make him feel bad.

And just now..he bent over to kiss me bye and I moved away...now I feel a little guilty.

*stabs conscience*

die..die..

I just hope he doesn't die today...I don't know if I'd be able to forgive myself knowing that I was angry at my father when he died. Isn't ironic? Things like that always happen...daughters being angry at their fathers for one thing or another and then their dads going and dying on them. What a wonderful world we live in.

I wanted a nice weekend...and now it's ruined. Yes...I blame him. Do I give a fuck if it's really my fault? No. I want to hurt him. I want to make him feel horrible. I won't say much to him anymore...

I'm not sure if this is other issues or if this is just this...but I think this is more than me just not getting what I want. Or maybe I really am just a brat. Hmm...maybe I'm trying to justify me being angry..when really I am just plain wrong. Maybe.

I don't know. I just want to be happy...I was hoping I wouldn't cry this weekend. But I was so happy yesterday...yesterday was such a good day...and today is crap. Today I feel like crap. Damnitt...I just want to be happy.

I'm rambling along...I'm so angry...I'm so so angry...I want to talk to someone who'll understand..I want to talk to someone who is right here and can tell me gently that I'm wrong and then just hold me. I want so many things. Want want want. Me me me. Brag brag brag. Maybe I really am selfish? Yeah...enough of the maybe's. I am selfish. I am a brat. I just want to be understood and feel loved and I want to get what I want...

I want.

I'm probably not making sense...oh well...I want to talk to someone...it was nice talking to Leigh last night...lets bug M for his number...actually I would have but I thought she'd think I was like...stealing her boyfriend or something...oh well.

Yes...Leigh is hers. And Opto isn't anywhere. I haven't said much to him in these past few days. I just want to lie down go to sleep and never wake up. Then my dad will feel guilty. I want him to hurt badly.

I've run out of things to say now.

Bye