Subject: Don't it all seem to go, that you don't know what you've got til it's gone
Current Mood: Annoyed
Current Music: Brandy & Ray-J - Another Day In Paradise

Wow...I just realised, such a fitting subject. Hehehe...

Today was fun. Maybe the last time I see Prashant and Dush together. Wow. That's weird. It's like a new friend every year for Prash, I wonder who it'll be next year lol.

Rose
Dush
Who will be next? - Tune in next year...

LOL! I haven't eaten dinner, do you know why? *glares at Dush and Prashant* freakin hell, we went to YumCha and I was like...must finish off dishes so I was just eating and eating and eating and then I was full. So I haven't really eaten anything much else since then...

What else did we do? We spent a lot of time playing arcade games actually, fun and random ones, we spent a lot of time relaxing and talking in Hide Park aaand yeah. Today was just a nice day, besides the fact about the train strike - that was annoying!!!

But yes, tomorrow I'm going to clean my room and relax, I haven't had a day to relax at all since the holidays begun, it feels like it's been such a long time because I've done so much but it's only Tuesday - only four days into the holidays!!! Man, I've seen Prashant and Dush 5 days in a row...woah...

Well let's see, I don't think I told you what happened at the beach. Man that was fun. It was the most PERFECT weather too my gosh, it was like God was smiling upon us that day. Anyway, I took a train and we all met at Central. From there we took a bus to Coogee hehe I found out the right spelling too, but everyone says it so Japanese-y so that's why I spelt it all ku-ji like!! meh! Then we ate lunch at Coogee and theen we went to the rockpool, I swear...I thought I was gonna get hypothermia!!! Then we moved onto the beach and the whole time I was paranoid of drowning...my golly gosh lol. Prashant and I began making a sandcastle but only got as far as the mote because we started digging a deep hole for neverending wet sand-ness. We kept digging and digging for like an hour or so and by then we were both sitting in it rubbing wet sand on each other...woah...that sounds wrong...lol... we were just exfoliating!!! Although at the time we were thinking it was so much...too much like some sort of porno...lol. That was pretty much my day...it was really goood!!!

And that's been my holidays so far...hehe. In a completely plutonic way, Prashant was pretty damn sexy on the beach. Lol...aaanyway...

I'm a little pissed off right now, but I guess that's that and there's nothing I can do. I'm just an expendable little whore according to Prashant hehe.

Well...that's it for right now, update laterrr...

CHRISTMAS EVE TOMORROW!! hehehe... oh what excitement!!!! *bounces away happily*

A wonderfully, majorly, uberly, funky (like a spunky monkey) start to the holidays. As soon as we walked out of school on Friday, I have been so damn busy. We went to Hornsby on Friday at about 12:30 and we ate at Yum Cha then saw Scary Movie 3. Didn't ask my mum if I could go because I already knew the answer, especially if she wouldn't even let me go to Macquarie not the day before, but the Thursday before that after school to buy Jess a present. *shakes head*. So I just went. I got home in good time too! Then went to watch anime.
After that, on Saturday, I went to a Christmas party for a really short time (which I feel kinda guilty about) and then I went to Prashant's party. Very fun, talked with Dush and Marty a lot. Had a late night walk to the park which was strangely cool, the sky was weird and creating a weird kind of lighting. Then went for a EARLY morning swim in the cold cold pool. Didn't sleep the whole night until about 6 ish and had a couple of hours of sleep. Then today (Sunday) we decided to go to Parramatta and shop, but my dad stole me away and I got really crabby especially since I was only operating on 2 hrs of sleep, so I got home at about 4:00 and then collapsed on the sofa bed and went to sleep. Woke up at 7:30 and my dad was cooking springs rolls and dumplings...yum.
Tomorrow I'm going to the beach (Kuji) hehe...it's going to be fun! Fun fun fun for everyone! I'm rather excited even if everyone has backed out...grr...and yes...

I'm attempting to plan to do something with Sev on Tuesday...but we'll see what happens.

Subject: It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
Current Mood: Worried

Don't you think it's funny well...I dunno... that even though her son has just gone to hospital that she can still make it about her? It's wonderful to know my letter was just another thing that she turned around and pretended it wasn't about her. She doesn't understand and sometimes I wonder how far it'll go before she learns - if she ever learns. I wish I could hold him in my arms and reassure him about everything. I wish so many things for that dysfunctional family. I wish my letter wasn't just forgotten. I wish. I don't know what else to say except that this makes me sad, angry and every other emotion under the sun.

Subject: Sadly I've become so small...
Current Mood: Weird
Current Music: Arigatou - Card Captor Theme Collection

It seems to be my week for rebellious things. First jigging and now this.

I had my first drag today. A long, real, deep breath of it.

Yeah, I can't believe it either. And it wasn't just a bum puff either! I took a long deep breath...which I have a feeling I shouldn't have done. I coughed and spluttered and it tasted like crap. How my mum can do this everyday I don't know. I feel like I've permanantly burned a part of my throat away and it feels funny...hehe. I know what Dush means now by the burning in your throat lol. What scared me the most was I was staring at the cigarette afterward, thinking to myself, if I took another puff, that would be it for me, I'd probably have to keep doing it. :S That's not a good thing. I just wanted to try it, doing things like this all the time is really bad, but trying it once, I think, is alright. Experiencing it for yourself.

No offense Marc but all that crap about your head feeling lighter and crap, what bullshit lol, I just felt the same afterward, but maybe that's only because I had one puff...*shrug* I dunno really.

The look on Jemma's face, I think she knew I really took a deep breath of it in, I think she was shocked, I'm not sure...lol...maybe she wasn't expecting me to take that long a breath, the only reason I did was because I couldn't taste anything, but afterwhile it was like WOAH...it really burnt my throat and I started coughing lol. It took a while for it to kick in and when it did...woah, and even after all that...I feel as if I could do it again!!! That's really bad... But I know I won't :)

And that's my story for the day. Seems to be my "rebellious" week ei? lol...

Subject: And I wonder why, I'm off the ground
Current Mood: Numb
Current Music: My thoughts, Blaxland Rd behind me and humming of the p00ter

Hello world. Just went to Christina Aguilera concert. Was G R E A T, however, a turn of events prevented me from enjoying myself at the concert. Should I bother explaining? Maybe another time, allow me to just say that my eyes are red from all the crying I did in the car, but I feel kinda better for getting it out, but I feel like I didn't get all of it out. I'll tell you about it later. BUT, the concert itself was EXCELLENT, Christina Aguilera is WONDERFUL!

Sorry

You hurt me a lot, so I hurt you back. I don't know if that affects you but I guess it does. I'm truly sorry for making you angry just then. I wish I knew what to do, but I don't. And yes you can't do everything, I was just asking for a straight answer. Sorry again. I'm going to sleep now and then I'm going to unblock you and hopefully have a sane conversation. I try to make you not matter to me but you do. And here you are again, mattering to me. I'm really really sorry. I don't know what else to say and/or how to say it. I want to walk away, but I don't and I know I won't and I know you won't.

Sorry, again.

[I thought I'd put this entry in, not because it's a particular, interesting event, or because it's a marker in my life, but because the way I wrote it was just so... poetic.]

Subject: In disbelief I didn't know...
Current Mood: Accomplished
Current Music: Linkin Park - Hit The Floor

HELLO!!! I am good. Let me tell you what I did today, and yes I'm going to make a big deal about it because I can't believe that I went through with it...none of you would probably understand it...but yes, at least now I can say I wasn't afraid and I did it once, at least.

Okay I made the biggest mistake EVER... I went to the trainstation early and a lot of year nine people saw me...so yes, now I know, never again, if I ever jig again, which I probably won't, but anyway...I took the late train and I met Prashant at Cheltenham station, we went to the city from there me panicking the WHOLE time, asking him what the time was all the time and saying...Oh now period 1 is about to end...etc. I got over that, but I still can't believe I did it!!! I was so so so so scared and paranoid, quite funny looking back on it now. So yes, it was a great day, we walked around the city and went to Circular Quay and ate at City Extra, I find that so amusing, jigging and then going to a restaraunt...teehee. Then we went to the candy store and now I have this giant lollipop which will literally take forever to finish. Then we decided to walk accross to the Harbour bridge and take a train from Milson's Point back toward Eastwood. Then we got to Eastwood at about 2:40 aaand we bummed around and then I went home :D

1. I can't believe I'm actually going to get away with this!!!

2. Now I can say I wasn't afraid to do it and that I did it at least once.

It's not really to be all hardcore and stuff...but more to say that I did do it at least once, that I actually did do something "rebellious" for once. Also my dad told me a couple of weeks ago that I wasn't the type. Lol...well I showed him. I probably sound really lame and all, but yes, I experienced it. Please don't slap me, but I just went against everything that I wouldn't normally and yeah...

I will probably post again after this.

Edit You know I couldn't sleep last night, I got to bed at about 10:30 and didn't get to sleep til probably 12:00, far out I spent the whole time thinking about today and what would happen and being paranoid and planning it all out in my head, at times I found my eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and I had to keep telling myself to relax and my heart to stop pounding. Eventually I had to get off so I'd be tired enough to go to sleep. *sigh*